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data-w2p_remote="/kcms/components/recomments?u_id=15" id="c936877241854">loading...</div> <div data-w2p_remote="/kcms/components/sidebar_links?u_id=15" id="c955377136146">loading...</div> </div> <div id="qyiwuqu" class="sep"> </div> <div id="64oaiec" class='column2'> <div id="ouk4cem" class='conn'> <div id="8ymscom" class='connhead columntitle'> <span id="e4waui4" class='title'>正文</span> </div> <div id="0omisos" class='connbody blockedage'> <div style="text-align: center;"> </div> <div id="ui8ia8e" class='article F'> <div id="g4ii0wc" class='articleTitle' style="text-align:center;"> <h2>因?yàn)槲沂悄惆职?/h2> <span id="8w4msqw" class='time'>(2004-12-28 16:20:00)</span> <span id="iqyuymu" class='editit'><a href="/kcms/blog/blog?b_id=22317">[編輯]</a></span> </div> <div id="2oks4cs" class='articleTag'> <span>分類：</span> <a href="/kcms/blog/lst?sys_types=%E7%84%A6%E7%82%B9%E5%85%B3%E6%B3%A8&tp=blogs">焦點(diǎn)關(guān)注</a> <a href="/kcms/blog/bloglist?status=publish&u_id=15&user_types=%E7%BB%8F%E5%85%B8%E6%A1%88%E4%BE%8B">經(jīng)典案例</a> <a href="javascript:void(0);" onclick="kcms.saveit('blogs',22317);">【收藏該博客】</a> </div> <div id="geomksi" class='articleContent'> <div><br /><br /></div><br /> <p align="center"><a href="UploadFiles/2007-1/20041228-161722.jpg" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://s.zhjtjyw.com/imgs/69/cc/69ccb059b9d8798b83336e6553d89f3a.jpg" /></a></p><br /> <div><br /><br /> 曾經(jīng)有一位中學(xué)生滿懷憤懣的情緒，向我訴說了他家里發(fā)生的一件令他百思不解的事——<br /> 一天晚飯后，爸爸靠在沙發(fā)上吸著香煙，悠閑地瀏覽著當(dāng)天的報(bào)紙，我在幫助媽媽刷碗，妹妹則是伏在桌子上專心致志地用筆畫著什么。當(dāng)我干完活收拾書包時(shí)，我驚呆了：原來妹妹剛才是在我新做的作業(yè)上亂涂亂畫，畫得一塌糊涂！我的作業(yè)明天要交給老師，我一看就急了，一氣之下就打了她一巴掌。妹妹“哇哇”地哭了起來，抹著眼淚找爸爸告狀。爸爸一聽就火了，騰地從沙發(fā)上站了起來，聲色俱厲地向我吼道：“你為什么要?jiǎng)邮执蚰忝妹?芽”我理直氣壯地說：“她把我今天剛剛寫的作業(yè)給畫得亂七八糟。明天我怎么交老師呀！”“畫了你的作業(yè)，你就打她?芽這是誰(shuí)給你的權(quán)力?芽”爸爸越說越氣，揚(yáng)起手，“啪啪”給了我兩巴掌，還警告我說：“我看你今后再敢打她?選”<br /> 我覺得很委屈。妹妹把我的作業(yè)給畫臟了，本來是妹妹不對(duì)，爸爸不批評(píng)她，反倒把我給打了一頓。我不服氣，就斗膽質(zhì)問爸爸：“我打妹妹是不對(duì)?？赡阍趺从袡?quán)力打我呢?芽”<br /> 爸爸對(duì)我這突如其來的質(zhì)問，沒有一點(diǎn)思想準(zhǔn)備。他先是一愣，緊接著就提高嗓門，向我瞪著可怕的大眼珠子吼道：“我為什么有這權(quán)力?芽因?yàn)槲沂悄惆职?選你不服氣嗎?芽我還……”說著，爸爸就又舉起了他的大巴掌，嚇得我再也不敢吱聲了。<br /> 說到這里，那位中學(xué)生感到委屈極了，幾乎快要哭出來。他憤憤地問我：“您說，我爸爸為什么可以隨便打我?芽難道就因?yàn)樗俏业陌职謫?芽這么說，當(dāng)爸爸的就真的對(duì)子女有特權(quán)嗎?芽”<br /> 聽了那位中學(xué)生的訴說，我很同情他。可他提出的問題，卻是我很難用一兩句話能給他說清楚的。<br /> 現(xiàn)在，還是有一些做父母的，仍舊認(rèn)為自己是“一家之主”，享有特權(quán)，可以對(duì)其他的家庭成員任意發(fā)號(hào)施令。對(duì)子女更是為所欲為：訓(xùn)斥、打罵、體罰、轟出家門……還不許子女反抗。家長(zhǎng)對(duì)子女是想說什么就說什么，想怎么說就怎么說，想怎樣處置就怎樣處置。說錯(cuò)了處置錯(cuò)了，也從不認(rèn)錯(cuò)，更不允許子女辯駁。如若不服，就會(huì)遭到變本加厲的懲處。這樣的父母，自以為他們的一切言行都是天然的合理，他們是真理的化身，一切錯(cuò)誤全在子女身上。就像魯迅先生所說過的那樣：“他們以為父對(duì)于子，有絕對(duì)的權(quán)力和威嚴(yán)：若是老子說話，當(dāng)然無(wú)所不可；兒子有話，卻在未說之前早已錯(cuò)了。”這簡(jiǎn)直是不講理?選如果有哪一個(gè)“膽大包天”的子女敢質(zhì)問他們?yōu)槭裁催@樣的不講理?芽他們會(huì)毫不猶豫、理直氣壯地說：“因?yàn)槲沂悄惆职?選”“因?yàn)槲沂悄銒寢?選”似乎他們的理由是特別的充分。這是典型的封建家長(zhǎng)制思想意識(shí)的具體表現(xiàn)。<br /> 我們國(guó)家的封建制度早在８０多年前就被推翻了，新中國(guó)也建立了４０多年了。為什么今天仍有一些做父母的還在沿襲封建家長(zhǎng)制的那一套?芽這中因?yàn)樽鳛橐环N意識(shí)形態(tài)，它具有相對(duì)的獨(dú)立性。它所賴以生存的經(jīng)濟(jì)基礎(chǔ)雖然已經(jīng)不復(fù)存在了，但由于中國(guó)的封建社會(huì)有非常悠久的歷史，運(yùn)行了幾千年，有巨大的“慣性”。封建制度不存在了，封建家長(zhǎng)制的舊意識(shí)還照樣存在，繼續(xù)殘留在人們的頭腦里，成為一種較為頑固的習(xí)慣勢(shì)力。在教育管理子女中和對(duì)待子女的態(tài)度上，還有意無(wú)意地反映出來。致使有些做子女的，身在社會(huì)主義制度下，仍然在家庭里要忍受著封建家長(zhǎng)制思想殘余的壓抑、摧殘。<br /> 應(yīng)當(dāng)承認(rèn)，現(xiàn)在有些家長(zhǎng)的封建家長(zhǎng)制的思想殘余，在許多的情況下是不自覺地流露出來的，他們自己從主觀上不見得是有意識(shí)地施展家長(zhǎng)的威風(fēng)和特權(quán)。然而，他們卻不知道，他們的家長(zhǎng)威風(fēng)和特權(quán)，無(wú)意之中給子女在精神上造成了多么大的創(chuàng)傷！有一家雜志社，曾經(jīng)收到過這樣一封讀者來信，信是一位青年學(xué)生寫的。信中是這樣訴說的——<br /> “生活中，我常常遇到這樣一些家庭小事。有時(shí)，它使我心情苦悶，精神沮喪；有時(shí)，它使我久久思索，夜不成眠……哦，起初，我是不愿意把它公布于世，寫在紙面上的。實(shí)在是無(wú)奈，我又不甘讓這精神上的苦痛久久的折磨我。于是，我寫了，不但把它寫在紙面上，還把它寄給雜志社的編輯同志，希望能夠公開發(fā)表，以便能給犯有類似毛病的家長(zhǎng)以啟示！”<br /> “那是不久前的一個(gè)夜晚，我正興致勃勃地坐在電視機(jī)前，觀看一場(chǎng)國(guó)際足球比賽，是中國(guó)國(guó)家隊(duì)同一支歐洲來訪的足球隊(duì)比賽。只見爸爸走上前來，‘咔嚓’一聲就把電視機(jī)給關(guān)掉了，不耐煩地說：‘這踢足球有什么好看的?芽吵得人難受不難受?芽別看了，快睡覺去！’”<br /> “我爸爸下了一道死命令。盡管我很不情愿，但父命難違，我只好飲憾而寢。其實(shí)，當(dāng)時(shí)還只不過才８點(diǎn)多鐘，而且球賽快接近尾聲，正是球踢得叫勁的關(guān)鍵時(shí)刻。嗨！真是沒有辦法……”<br /> “不過，話又說回來了，每當(dāng)電視里有什么古裝戲之類的玩藝兒，爸爸卻是從未放過任何一場(chǎng)。哪怕是再吵再鬧，不管別人有多么心煩，即使是演到半夜１１點(diǎn)多鐘，他也要看完方休。真是‘只許州官放火，不許百性點(diǎn)燈！’”<br /> “對(duì)于爸爸這種獨(dú)斷無(wú)理的家長(zhǎng)制做法，我曾經(jīng)頂撞過，卻被父輩們說成是‘不敬父母’，就連鄰居們也說我是不孝之子。無(wú)可奈何，我只好在父母面前變成啞巴，久久地沉默，沉默……”<br />信中最后十分懇切地呼吁說：<br /> “我真誠(chéng)地希望患有此種毛病的家長(zhǎng)們想想，他們的所作所為，會(huì)在子女的心靈上造成什么樣的后果。我真希望，我的爸爸不再這樣！”<br />讀了這封信，使人非常同情這個(gè)青年學(xué)生。封建家長(zhǎng)制的特權(quán)思想，對(duì)子女心靈上的傷害是多么的嚴(yán)重??！<br /> 我們做父母的應(yīng)當(dāng)明白，在舊社會(huì)，封建家長(zhǎng)制的思想尚可行得通，因?yàn)榧议L(zhǎng)的特權(quán)還有它存在的土壤。而今天，整個(gè)社會(huì)都在大力提倡科學(xué)、民主、平等，孩子們的獨(dú)立自主意識(shí)在不斷地增強(qiáng)，這是社會(huì)發(fā)展的潮流，誰(shuí)也不能阻擋。封建家長(zhǎng)制的思想不再會(huì)暢行無(wú)阻，家長(zhǎng)的特權(quán)也難以繼續(xù)維持。如果家長(zhǎng)還以家長(zhǎng)的特權(quán)和權(quán)威去壓制現(xiàn)在的子女，勢(shì)必會(huì)引起子女的反感、抵觸以至直接對(duì)抗。<br /> 現(xiàn)在，許多家庭里子女和父母關(guān)系緊張，常常發(fā)生“頂?！爆F(xiàn)象，這并不都是子女的過錯(cuò)，恐怕和某些家長(zhǎng)頭腦里有封建家長(zhǎng)制舊思想意識(shí)有直接的關(guān)系。有些孩子脾氣暴躁，對(duì)弟弟妹妹發(fā)脾氣，對(duì)同學(xué)不友好，好逞威風(fēng)，以強(qiáng)凌弱，跟家長(zhǎng)、老師頂撞，這些往往是由于他們?cè)诩依锸艿搅瞬还降拇龊蛷?qiáng)權(quán)的壓制，而出現(xiàn)的一種尋求平衡的變態(tài)心理。他們是用這種“蠻不講理”來作為對(duì)家長(zhǎng)“蠻不講理”的一種發(fā)泄或報(bào)復(fù)。<br /> 我們所處的時(shí)代是一個(gè)嶄新的時(shí)代，當(dāng)今的社會(huì)要求人們自尊、自愛、自強(qiáng)、自信，具有開拓進(jìn)取的精神。家庭是孩子們最重要的生活環(huán)境，家長(zhǎng)和子女的關(guān)系本身就是一種教育。這種現(xiàn)代人的造就，只有在充滿民主、平等的家庭關(guān)系中才能得以實(shí)現(xiàn)。如果我們做父母的，自恃是子女的父母、長(zhǎng)輩，就擺出一副家長(zhǎng)的架子，對(duì)子女不講民主，不講平等，不講道理，以勢(shì)壓人，以強(qiáng)凌弱，不尊重子女的人格，壓制子女個(gè)性的發(fā)展，那么，不但不可能造就出現(xiàn)代社會(huì)所需要的人來，弄不好還會(huì)使子女產(chǎn)生心理上的疾病。<br />“我是你爸爸”，“我是你媽媽”，這只能是我們做父母的必須要承擔(dān)起教育子女義務(wù)的依據(jù)，而絕不能以此作為向子女施展特權(quán)和大耍家長(zhǎng)威風(fēng)的理由。今天的父母應(yīng)該樹立這種觀念。</div> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p align="right">2000.6</p>  </div>  <p align='center'></p> <div id="4owcias" class='articleTag'> <span style="font-weight:700;color:black;">相關(guān)博客：</span> <a href="/kcms/blog/lst?sys_types=%E7%84%A6%E7%82%B9%E5%85%B3%E6%B3%A8&tp=blogs">焦點(diǎn)關(guān)注</a> <a href="/kcms/blog/bloglist?status=publish&u_id=15&user_types=%E7%BB%8F%E5%85%B8%E6%A1%88%E4%BE%8B">經(jīng)典案例</a> <div id="wmwwmuq" class="clear"></div> <div id="a2s0cwc" class="ainfo"> 閱讀次數(shù):<span id="oq6y24u" 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