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style="color:#009900;font-size:14px;">中華家庭教育志愿者、家庭教育指導師、中學高級教師、教育碩士、國家二級心理咨詢師、山東</span><span style="color:#009900;font-size:14px;">省骨干校長高級研修班成員、中華家庭引導式教育首席指導、中華家庭教育資訊信息中心首席評論員。</span><span style="color:#009900;font-size:14px;">qq:1017556817。歡迎咨詢、有問必答、尋求合作。本人拙作未經(jīng)同意不得商用，謝謝。</span></p> </div> <div id="2yk8ccb" class='article F'> <div id="h0hpzbs" class='articleTitle' style="text-align:center;"> <h2>愛的悲?。ㄌ盏牢洌?/h2> <span id="sm8qewx" class='time'>(2010-07-29 20:39:00)</span> <span id="dpg73n7" class='editit'><a href="/kcms/blog/blog?b_id=131246">[編輯]</a></span> </div> <div id="vz7cj2i" class='articleTag'> <span>分類：</span> <a href="/kcms/blog/lst?sys_types=%E7%84%A6%E7%82%B9%E5%85%B3%E6%B3%A8&tp=blogs">焦點關(guān)注</a> <a href="/kcms/blog/bloglist?status=publish&u_id=292&user_types=%E6%88%91%E7%9A%84%E6%80%9D%E8%80%83">我的思考</a> <a href="javascript:void(0);" onclick="kcms.saveit('blogs',131246);">【收藏該博客】</a> </div> <div id="z8nl59q" class='articleContent'> <p><font face=""> <strong>案例回放：</strong></font></p> <p><font face=""> 劉美藝是某市直機關(guān)處級干部，有能力，是大家公認的女強人。女兒曉琳由媽媽一手帶大，雖不大說話，但很聽媽媽的話，從小學到大學女兒都很順從媽媽。女兒武漢大學畢業(yè)后，媽媽想讓女兒找個穩(wěn)定的事業(yè)單位，勸她去自己已經(jīng)聯(lián)系過的機關(guān)面試，并向女兒承諾：成功率很高。</font></p> <p><font face=""> 女兒不愿去，她想在網(wǎng)上做設(shè)計，做個自由職業(yè)者。為了堵上媽媽的嘴，不讓媽媽對自己失望，她拼命賺錢，每個月都要交給媽媽800到1000元錢?？蓩寢尣⒉活I(lǐng)情，吃飯時念她，看電視時念她，睡覺時還念他。</font></p> <p><font face=""> 2009年12月24日，母親又勸女兒去參加面試，女兒堅持說她不想過那樣的日子，除非讓她死。母女倆不歡而散。母親下午上班剛到單位，小區(qū)的物業(yè)打電話來，說女兒出事了。母親忙趕回家，女兒已經(jīng)跳樓自殺。媽媽很后悔，患上了創(chuàng)傷性應激障礙癥。</font></p> <p><font face=""> <strong>我的分析：</strong></font></p> <p><font face=""> <strong>1、讓孩子成為自己</strong></font></p> <p><font face=""> 孩子小的時候，家長需要照顧的多一些，隨著孩子年齡的增長，家長應該逐步放手。畢竟孩子也是一個獨立的個體，沒有哪一個人僅僅愿意為別人活著，替別人活著，年輕人都想活出自己的模樣！哪怕孩子的選擇是錯誤的，孩子也要試著經(jīng)歷，只有經(jīng)歷了，孩子才能在磨練中成長。大家都聽說過“破繭成蝶”的故事吧，也知道小雞出殼的時候，需要一點點啄破蛋殼，母親生孩子最好要順產(chǎn)，而不是剖腹產(chǎn)。這都充分說明孩子長大成人需要經(jīng)歷而不是“被安排”，文中的受害者一直都是在母親的的安排下長大，連吃飯都是這樣，媽媽讓她喝兩碗，她不敢喝一碗。最后，在工作的問題上，女兒再也不愿被安排，以死抗爭，這個代價太沉重。</font></p> <p><font face=""> <strong> 2、愛也是一種傷害</strong></font></p> <p><font face=""> 有人說，中國母親最辛苦，也最愛孩子?？汕岸螘r間從媒體報道得知，“中國媽媽”在國外成了貶義詞，成了包辦太多，太愛嘮叨，不懂教育的人?，F(xiàn)在，網(wǎng)上正熱議“父母皆禍害”，父母們可能一時不愿接受，但也要引起反思，而不是急于辯論。文中的媽媽很愛自己的孩子，事無巨細，無微不至。可愛的過多，就會束縛孩子，讓孩子感覺很不舒服，沒有人身自由，甚至沒有了自己的思想空間，孩子能不感到痛苦與傷害嗎？</font></p> <p><font face=""> <strong>3、對孩子合理期盼</strong></font></p> <p><font face=""> 家長教育孩子的時候，往往會對孩子有這樣那樣的期盼。按道理講，家長對孩子有期盼也很正常，誰不期盼自己的孩子過得更好？但家長對孩子的期盼必須合理，怎么叫合理？一是要考慮孩子的特點，二是要考慮孩子的想法，不能把自己的意愿強加給孩子，讓孩子感到了壓力。</font></p> <p><font face=""> <strong> 4、要關(guān)注孩子心靈</strong></font></p> <p><font face=""> 死者的家庭條件不錯，母親很愛自己的孩子。但母親犯的最大的錯誤就是自己所做的一切僅僅停留在生活層面，僅僅讓孩子按照自己的要求去做。孩子有沒有自己的想法，孩子過得快不快樂，幸不幸福，母親關(guān)注太少。這是一位不懂孩子的母親，也是一位不懂教育的母親。教育好孩子首先要了解孩子，理解孩子，然后才是教育。</font></p>  </div>  <p align='center'></p> <div id="dvlfamy" class='articleTag'> <span style="font-weight:700;color:black;">相關(guān)博客：</span> <a href="/kcms/blog/lst?sys_types=%E7%84%A6%E7%82%B9%E5%85%B3%E6%B3%A8&tp=blogs">焦點關(guān)注</a> <a 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