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</div> <div data-w2p_remote="/kcms/components/sidebar_newcomments?u_id=41583" id="c825553467876">loading...</div> <div data-w2p_remote="/kcms/components/sidebar_friends?u_id=41583" id="c924472358184">loading...</div> <div data-w2p_remote="/kcms/components/sidebar_flash?u_id=41583" id="c501539660674">loading...</div> <div data-w2p_remote="/kcms/components/recomments?u_id=41583" id="c497657910326">loading...</div> <div data-w2p_remote="/kcms/components/sidebar_links?u_id=41583" id="c536823060611">loading...</div> </div> <div id="mbdsq8d" class="sep"> </div> <div id="cpoms7t" class='column2'> <div id="6x6az8c" class='conn'> <div id="aw6mv75" class='connhead columntitle'> <span id="1pa7jhz" class='title'>正文</span> </div> <div id="0orzgyq" class='connbody blockedage'> <div style="text-align: center;"> </div> <div id="k2crvp1" class='article F'> <div id="bibimwg" class='articleTitle' style="text-align:center;"> <h2>孩子們?nèi)笔У奶嗔?/h2> <span id="7wh1nfo" class='time'>(2014-04-10 22:10:54)</span> <span id="51i2wqi" class='editit'><a href="/kcms/blog/blog?b_id=253058">[編輯]</a></span> </div> <div id="w9z057i" class='articleTag'> <span>分類：</span> <a href="/kcms/blog/lst?sys_types=%E5%AE%B6%E6%95%99%E6%AC%A3%E8%B5%8F&tp=blogs">家教欣賞</a> <a href="/kcms/blog/bloglist?status=publish&u_id=41583&user_types=%E6%88%91%E7%9A%84%E6%97%A5%E8%AE%B0">我的日記</a> <span>標(biāo)簽：</span> <a href="/kcms/search/index?q=%E7%BC%BA%E5%A4%B1">缺失</a> <a href="javascript:void(0);" onclick="kcms.saveit('blogs',253058);">【收藏該博客】</a> </div> <div id="3oqaqij" class='articleContent'> <div id="n5xg3zi" class='clear'></div> <ul id="photos" class="galleryview"> <li id="epk3m6i" class="panel"> <img src="http://r.photo.store.qq.com/psb?/V10qSahP2dPdiu/uSJ13e5KD4ssJFzfkdc53IrOwU77prczVM72BL0Z11Q%21/o/dPhaImc3CwAA&bo=AASAAoAHsAQBAJI%21&su=1260303361&rf=2-9" title="" data-description="" /> </li> </ul> <div id="tbpnvg1" class="clear"></div> <div style="margin-left:72px;" align="center"> <span style="color:#000000;"><span><br /> </span></span> </div> <br /> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">家訪記錄:2014年4月8日中午12時(shí)左右</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <div style="text-align:right;"> </div> <div style="text-align:left;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"> 路過(guò)</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">XX家，他家開商店。我想把愛心卡在哪里讓他們幫我發(fā)放。很久沒(méi)見了，他媽媽一下子就認(rèn)出我了，跑出商店來(lái)接我。跟她媽媽閑聊了一會(huì)關(guān)于一個(gè)直銷產(chǎn)品的問(wèn)題，他爸爸回來(lái)了，以前沒(méi)有見過(guò)。介紹完后，他爸爸就說(shuō)有些事很困惑，正想找人問(wèn)問(wèn)。我說(shuō)：“說(shuō)說(shuō)看。”</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">他爸爸說(shuō)：“我小時(shí)爸爸在礦上工作，很少能見到他。他回來(lái)后，我們姊妹四個(gè)心里那個(gè)盼望、那對(duì)父親想要親近的心情真的不能形容（談話時(shí)，我能從他的眼里看到和感覺到他的真誠(chéng)和渴望）?？墒歉赣H是個(gè)礦領(lǐng)導(dǎo)，他往那兒一坐，我們心里就害怕（呵呵威嚴(yán)不言而喻），人家也不罵不打我們。當(dāng)一家人在一起吃飯時(shí)，聰明二哥總會(huì)找個(gè)借口端著飯碗離開，接著我們就一個(gè)個(gè)也離開了，直到現(xiàn)在也是如此，很少有一家人能坐到一起吃飯的，更別說(shuō)交流了。所以，父親對(duì)我的教育是缺失的。現(xiàn)在我的孩子已經(jīng)</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">18 歲了，我一直不會(huì)、也不知道該怎么教育孩子。原本把希望寄托在他媽媽上，可是他媽媽也不會(huì)教只會(huì)慣孩子（舉例：孩子愛吃什么就做什么，一頓飯可以做好幾樣）?，F(xiàn)在，我也常常想起父母說(shuō)要好好讀書長(zhǎng)大后才會(huì)如何的，可是我卻沒(méi)有好好讀（他的眼睛紅了）。加之經(jīng)歷一些變故，我現(xiàn)在做些低級(jí)的工作。我這么辛苦，孩子沒(méi)有感覺到，雖然說(shuō)不討厭我，但是他不知道生活的艱難，也不知道好好學(xué)習(xí)，成績(jī)一直是中等，很多課外書買了也不讀，愛讀一些玄幻、穿越的書，我怕他人也虛幻了。還有最近也跟社會(huì)上一些人交往，讓我很擔(dān)心?！彼男那楹艹翋?。<img src="http://r.photo.store.qq.com/psb?/V10qSahP2dPdiu/uSJ13e5KD4ssJFzfkdc53IrOwU77prczVM72BL0Z11Q%21/o/dPhaImc3CwAA&bo=AASAAoAHsAQBAJI%21&su=1260303361&rf=2-9" alt="圖片" style="width:847px;height:528.645px;" /></span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </div> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">我笑著說(shuō)：“</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">首先，你不要自卑，也不要自責(zé)。工作沒(méi)有貴賤之分，只有分工不同</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">。在教孩子們《弟子規(guī)》時(shí)，我常常對(duì)孩子們說(shuō)的《泛愛眾》就是要愛一切的人、動(dòng)、植物等（‘</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">萬(wàn)物共榮，同生共死’這才是中國(guó)人，中華傳統(tǒng)</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">），包括哪些掃大街、撿垃圾的，因?yàn)樗麄冊(cè)诿阑鞘械沫h(huán)境，并且變廢為寶，社會(huì)需要那樣的人。很多學(xué)習(xí)傳統(tǒng)文化家長(zhǎng)會(huì)在會(huì)議之后把礦泉水瓶子等給孩子帶回家的?！彼悬c(diǎn)欣喜。</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">因?yàn)楦麅鹤釉诙顮I(yíng)有過(guò)七天的相處，對(duì)那孩子的秉性還是有些了解的，所以我接著說(shuō)：“</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">其次，你不用擔(dān)心孩子的交友問(wèn)題，</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">他學(xué)習(xí)了國(guó)學(xué)經(jīng)典，而且經(jīng)常研究佛學(xué)，因此這點(diǎn)你大可放心，他不會(huì)學(xué)壞的。</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">能跟各種人交往，說(shuō)明他的人際關(guān)系能力強(qiáng)。高老師說(shuō)：現(xiàn)在這個(gè)社會(huì)就是整合資源的時(shí)代，如果你的孩子將來(lái)能讓各種人都來(lái)給他打工，</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">你想想看？”他點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭。</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">我接著又說(shuō)：“</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">愛讀穿越和玄幻的書，不是壞事，我也在讀（他很詫異）。</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">我兒子初高中時(shí)所讀的書我都讀過(guò)了，為什么？這樣我才會(huì)跟他交流時(shí)有話題呀。你再忙也要愛屋及烏的，有些買回來(lái)的書他不讀你讀，等他回來(lái)時(shí)讓他給你解釋意義，讓他被動(dòng)性地跟你一起讀，最后變?yōu)橹鲃?dòng)。他也不會(huì)變成我們所說(shuō)的那種精神有問(wèn)題的人，你看他每天不是好好地上學(xué)，跟朋友一起玩的開心，也會(huì)幫我們做一些家務(wù)事嗎？如果是那樣的人了，呵呵，哪么他就會(huì)脫離社會(huì)，進(jìn)入他的虛幻世界?！薄笆堑摹?。他的心情又好轉(zhuǎn)了些。</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">“冬令營(yíng)結(jié)束時(shí)，本來(lái)設(shè)計(jì)了一個(gè)</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">行孝</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">的環(huán)節(jié)，因?yàn)榇蠖鄶?shù)家長(zhǎng)都沒(méi)來(lái)或者來(lái)的時(shí)間晚了，所以沒(méi)做。但是跟你的孩子私下交流時(shí)，</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">他是希望你能來(lái)的</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">?！? “孩子是這么說(shuō)的？”他很驚訝。“是的。那個(gè)孩子不希望父母參加自己的家長(zhǎng)會(huì)？雖然孩子理解他媽媽要看店來(lái)不了，年底了忙你也許來(lái)不了?？墒撬男牡讜?huì)有失落感的，不管他的年齡有多大！那種家人為他殿后、撐腰的日子誰(shuí)不想要、擁有？一定意義上孩子會(huì)被人看不起的！‘你看你的爸爸從來(lái)不給你開家長(zhǎng)會(huì)，你是不是親的呀？’相信我們小時(shí)也有這種經(jīng)歷和心情的。</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">男子漢的面子、尊嚴(yán)、自信是必要程度上家長(zhǎng)必須給予的！還有以后不能當(dāng)著外人和老師的面說(shuō)孩子的缺點(diǎn)</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">”。</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">“</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">關(guān)于你說(shuō)的因?yàn)楹⒆訉W(xué)習(xí)和愛好佛學(xué)，會(huì)不會(huì)就對(duì)女人將來(lái)沒(méi)有興趣，我覺得你也大可放心</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">。因?yàn)閷W(xué)佛和學(xué)習(xí)國(guó)學(xué)經(jīng)典是對(duì)一個(gè)人進(jìn)行</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">修心、修身的過(guò)程</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">，舍棄現(xiàn)在的一切去寺廟做長(zhǎng)期修行，我覺得不太可能，那不是一般人能做到的，短期是很正常的。那是對(duì)一個(gè)人內(nèi)在自我的調(diào)整，有利于他人格的完善和發(fā)展的”。</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">“</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">至于孩子成績(jī)中等，我也認(rèn)為不是壞事，反而是好事。</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">你看看那些成績(jī)好的孩子，內(nèi)心很薄弱，禁不起打擊，也輸不起。抑郁、自殺的是不是很多？而那些成績(jī)中等的、甚至是差生，他們的抗戰(zhàn)挫能力很強(qiáng)，接受現(xiàn)實(shí)很快、應(yīng)對(duì)能力也很強(qiáng)呀。所以不能以偏概全的。”</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">“</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">關(guān)于孩子的志向</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">。我們倒是交流過(guò)，他想將來(lái)考國(guó)文大學(xué)或者佛學(xué)大學(xué)?！薄澳切┖苌?yuàn)W的?！薄笆茄?，這是他的遠(yuǎn)大理想，我們才要支持他。有時(shí)，我們大人只會(huì)說(shuō)‘你好好上學(xué)，考上了大學(xué)就會(huì)有好工作的?！呛⒆觽儸F(xiàn)在看到的是什么？好多大學(xué)生都沒(méi)有工作。所以我們要給孩子說(shuō)：你要好好學(xué)習(xí)考上大學(xué)，研究生等，那么你比別人選擇工作的優(yōu)越權(quán)利就多了一條?！?/span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">最后我說(shuō)：“</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">孩子成長(zhǎng)的關(guān)鍵期</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">我們已經(jīng)丟失了，那么現(xiàn)在只要追尾還來(lái)得及。所以你們要做的就是</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">一、轉(zhuǎn)移關(guān)注的方向。</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">不要太在意他的成績(jī)，多關(guān)心和豐富他的業(yè)余生活等。</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">二、示弱和放手。</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">放假回來(lái)，你就說(shuō)‘爸爸是不是老了？最近身體老感覺不舒服，去別人家干活時(shí)最好讓帶著他，讓他體驗(yàn)的你的不容易”。我又對(duì)他媽媽說(shuō)：“你要做的就是，讓他幫你做飯、洗衣服等。你們要</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">讓他回歸家庭本位，不要讓他在做外圍人！</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">”“</span><span style="font-weight:bold;font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">三、以后盡量參加孩子的家長(zhǎng)會(huì)，給孩子更多的精神上的關(guān)愛，而不是物質(zhì)的。適當(dāng)?shù)臅r(shí)候要做一下貧窮教育</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">?！? 他爸爸說(shuō)：“是的，貧窮教育是缺失了，所以孩子才會(huì)現(xiàn)在做什么事都沒(méi)什么動(dòng)力。我哥哥家的就不一樣，我嫂子總是給孩子說(shuō)‘你爸爸多辛苦......’所以那孩子干什么都有勁，只要你指明了方向”。最后我再三叮嚀：“不要讓孩子知道我來(lái)過(guò)，那么會(huì)引起他的反感，感覺是來(lái)告狀的，或者說(shuō)我在背后給你們出謀劃策，孩子的執(zhí)行起來(lái)就不主動(dòng)?！?/span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';">回到家里我慨嘆一番，思考后總結(jié)如下：</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"><span style="font-weight:bold;">一、孩子</span></span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"><span style="font-weight:bold;">不僅是父愛缺失，母愛也是缺失的。</span>因?yàn)樗麐寢尳o了孩子的愛不是正確的；</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"><span style="font-weight:bold;">二、</span></span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"><span style="font-weight:bold;">貧窮教育缺失。</span>小時(shí)候受過(guò)一定的勞動(dòng)和貧富差別的教育，他就有學(xué)習(xí)的一些動(dòng)力。勞動(dòng)使人類進(jìn)步，并且家境也會(huì)使一個(gè)人有奮斗的目標(biāo)和動(dòng)力；</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"><span style="font-weight:bold;">三、</span></span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"><span style="font-weight:bold;">家庭環(huán)境的熏陶也缺失。</span>孩子的學(xué)習(xí)和生活習(xí)慣都是小時(shí)候模仿、習(xí)來(lái)的，所以父母在孩子小時(shí)候必須給孩子養(yǎng)成一些良好的習(xí)慣；</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"><span style="font-weight:bold;">四、</span></span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"><span style="font-weight:bold;">靠山教育（我的口頭語(yǔ)）根本沒(méi)做什么</span>。我們老了要靠孩子來(lái)孝養(yǎng)。如果在他小時(shí)不做一些身體力行的訓(xùn)練和體驗(yàn)，那么我們老了他已經(jīng)伸手慣了，怎么會(huì)照顧我們？</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <p style="text-indent:30.0000pt;"> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"><span style="font-weight:bold;">五、</span></span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"><span style="font-weight:bold;">家長(zhǎng)要學(xué)會(huì)放手，讓孩子多擔(dān)當(dāng)些。</span>讓孩子承擔(dān)適當(dāng)?shù)募彝ナ聞?wù)，當(dāng)家做主，體諒父母的不容易。</span><span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"></span> </p> <span style="font-size:15.0000pt;font-family:'楷體_GB2312';"> 想說(shuō)的太多，想寫的也太多。孩子們?nèi)笔У奶嗔耍晕业募彝ソ逃茝V一定要堅(jiān)持下去！感恩各位的支持！<br /> </span>  </div>  <p align='center'></p> <div id="eitugyz" class='articleTag'> <span style="font-weight:700;color:black;">相關(guān)博客：</span> <a 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